There is a reason you broke up. It’s because things didn’t work between the two of you. I know that right now it feels like the universe has conspired against you and all you can think of is: What went wrong? Why doesn’t he want me anymore? Maybe if I had just done/said/did better we would still be together.
First of all, just stop that right now. You deserve so much better. You should have a partner in your life that respects, adores and loves you. You don’t want someone that keeps you around because it’s convenient. You also don’t want someone that is unwilling to put in some of the real work it takes to keep an amazing relationship passionate and strong. There are much better things in store for you.
Just in case you are tempted to get back together with that insensitive jerk (who wouldn’t know a good thing if it came careening at him like a meteor), here are three very good reasons you don’t want your ex back.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you
This would seem like an obvious one. But in case you weren’t paying attention to sentences from him like: “This isn’t working”. “I need some space.” or “I slept with your roommate,” let me lay it out for you. If it was meant to be, you would be together. If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you and they won’t do things to screw it up, hurt you or be disrespectful of your feelings. There will be no excuses, no hesitation and no accidental trysts with your roommate. They will make the time and space in their life to have you in it. Yes, there is always the outside possibility that the “timing is off”, but DO NOT put your life on hold hoping that’s the case. Get on with your life. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, there is much life to be lived and if it’s meant to be, the circumstances will make themselves known.
He doesn’t value what you bring to the relationship.
You may be wondering if there was something you could have done or said differently. Odds are, no. If you were honest throughout the relationship, laid your cards on the table and participated in the relationship without games, there is nothing more you can do. You brought your “A” game and that either wasn’t what they wanted or were ready for. That was their problem not yours. If the person you were with is not mature enough to value who you are and treat you with respect, consider yourself lucky to have found out now, rather than after 10 years into a loveless marriage. Your job in a relationship is not to change your partners mind or to “get them” to love you the way you love them. Your job is to be yourself, be present and communicate honestly throughout the relationship. It is not to beg and plead for validation and it’s certainly not to mold yourself into whatever it is that you think they want you to be.
You now have another piece to the love puzzle
One of the best benefits of having an ex is all that learning material you now have and can apply to an even better relationship in the future. Every experience and relationship that we have gives us more pieces of puzzle to learn and grow from. Never regret! It’s a huge waste of energy to regret the time we’ve spent in a relationship that didn’t make it to “happily ever after.” Instead of dwelling on the break-up, take the information you learned about yourself and use that as part of your blueprint to find lasting love in the future. Consider what went wrong, what went right and take all that material and focus yourself towards a relationship that works for you, one that allows you to be yourself and also one that allows you to grow and change with your partner.
Remember, don’t waste your energy trying to get an ex back. But, if and when you do look back, use that experience to grow, make better choices in picking partners and to create a clear picture of what you really want in your life. You deserve to be with someone that wows at your very existence, levels up your life and loves and wants to be with you simply for who you are.